Evil and Other Pastimes

by Pandora's Toybox

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The first full length release by band founder and musical whiz Joshua Carrig, this tale of ridiculous, cynical circus rock tells the story of Pandora's Toybox, a theme park owned and operated by the dead. The park's house band, The Grim Pills, regale numerous tales of death, masturbation, and other silly subjects in songs such as The Big Fat Wallet (with the Bulging Dick), Jerking Off This Mortal Coil, and Back Home to the Gallows, as well as reimagining Oingo Boingo's classic Little Girls in their own image.


released September 11, 2008

All songs written solely by Joshua Carrig, except for tracks 1, 2, and 12, which were co-written by Joshua Carrig and Amanda Rose Smith; track 7 was written by Danny Elfman and originally performed by Oingo Boingo

Produced by Benjamin Jon and recorded at Stillwork Studios in Holyoke, Massachusetts

Lead male vocals - Morte McAdaver (Joshua Carrig)

Lead female vocals - Dierdre Stroyer (Dominic Collins)

Backing vocals - Morgue Anne and Doll (Bonnie Miller)

Vocals on A New Sanctuary in the Shadows - Walt Tollefson and Amanda Rose Smith

Guest vocals on Catching Waifs - Randall Hentz

Keyboard - Joshua Carrig

Guitars - Joshua Carrig and Benjamin Jon

Guitar solo on The Reaper's Xmas - David Hawkins

Drums and percussion - Wes Borque

Cheerleaders on The Pendulum Swing - Jessica Pysz, Michelle Mauer, Carole Hollick, and Andrea "Marley" Penta

For additional credits, see album booklet.



all rights reserved


Pandora's Toybox Northampton, Massachusetts

We're a zany, Cynical Circus crew from the shadowy carnival theme park known as Pandora's Toybox. We're here to expose the world for the bleak circus that it truly is.

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Track Name: A New Sanctuary in the Shadows
’Twas on a stark, stormy eve
When the moon itself came to grieve
And the living dead swagger and sway.

When scavengers gather to feast
From a dustbowl of the deceased
Most choke on the bones of yesterday.

Stumbling about like a tumbleweed
His doleful silhouette could be seen
He walked, a drunkard amongst the dead
Hating the world he surveyed.

It was then that a ghost whispered close to his ear
Just the melody that he’d longed to hear
So beautiful the song, he was led astray
And he followed her voice as she drifted far away…

He awoke in the dark, in a theme park, still kept alive by the dead
The spectral lady faded away, but still sang clear in his head
She brought him to a new sanctuary in the shadows
Where the light itself fears to tread.

And so, he settled in
To a life of sin
And a debauched way to thrive
Amongst the wicked motley lot that flocked as he arrived,
It was on that very night that Morte McAdaver finally came alive…
Track Name: Evil and Other Pastimes
Welcome to the world we see
Of social vapidity
Of spiritual vomit
Psychological atrophy
Won’t you join us for a cup of tea?

You see, we’ve reached a new level
You could call us privileged elite
Society’s floating on the waters we bleed
So wear a new tongue and taste bitter as sweet
’Cause we’re about to find out just how fun the human race can be.

I never thought that things could be this way
But I had forgotten how evil entertains.

This is how we watch the world pass away
Let’s all celebrate in despair.
Pay obeisance and surrender your will
And you will know eternal bliss.

I suppose we are humanists;
Decay needs a hand or two
What can we contribute?
What can we do?
We could hate our leaders,
Kill the unbelievers,
And gorge upon the spoils of war.

Let’s make little dollies
Out of unborn children
And sell them to the protesters
At discount price
'cause we know we all need
A good reason to bleed
And to dance in the ruins of life.

I never thought that things could be this way
But I had forgotten how Evil entertains...

This is how we herald the coming end
We are the chosen of the future times
Lower your voices and deny your fellow damned
And you will know eternal bliss

”It has been confirmed that the terrorist attack has left the city in a panic. In a related topic, policy-holders and stock brokers have reaped an impressive profit from the shattered lives of thousands.

Revolutionary computer technology has done it again as the new developments in electronic ignorance are being disseminated and sold throughout the metropolitan empire.

Economic rejuvenation continues as the latest generation of youth is reared into an early lifestyle of hard labor and misery. Commendations to our exalted officials for reviving the antiquated policy of slavery.

Arsenal tests upon defenseless settlements of human beings have seen great success. And concepts such as agriculture and civilians have been labeled ‘inconsequential.’

Visionary urban planners are calling for aid in the ‘Dystopia Project.’ Please submit all volatile, toxic, and contaminated waste products to your local depository for collection. This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.”

I take it you don’t comprehend
The world you’re claiming to defend
You can no longer pretend
To make a stand
You’d be less fucked over, if you just rolled over,
Took it all and enjoyed the ride.

Our heads are in the guillotine
Facing towards the T.V. screen
Look at all the famished
And those silly underprivileged
From here we can see declining humanity; who could have known how much fun this would be?

Whoever thought it made a difference anyway?
Don’t you know that we’re simply here to play?

This is how we eviscerate your dreams
You weren’t using 'em, anyway
Lower your voices and deny your fellow damned
And you will know eternal bliss.
Track Name: Paragons of Villainy
Is it really such a fucking crime…
To revel in a darker side?

Rock and roll has taken its toll.
I left my body on stage, now they’re in control.
Put my future in a record, trapped my soul in a song
I was torn to ribbons when they fed me to the throng.

I made all the right decisions, all the right mistakes
This melody of insanity has guided me along the way
And I just can’t believe how many things I threw away
Maybe one day I’ll return to grace you with my glory…
my hatred…
and show you…
just who I really am

’Cause I got another record to make
I got another pill to take
I got another whore to see
Pussy getting wet for me
’Cause I’m being all that I can be
A Paragon of Villainy.

Is it really so wrong to tell them lies…
When the truth never sells on Prime Time Live?

Rock and roll has taken my soul
I surrendered my body to a media console
Emotion is irrelevant to me
With a swarm of wires hooked right through me.

Made my decision to report the woes of the land
Enticed by automaton paradise, I finally understand
And I just can’t believe how easy this could be
Maybe one day I’ll return to wear my flesh again…
To feel the pain…
and show you…
What I have become
It’s futile.

’Cause I know the End Times are near
And everyone lives in fear
Gotta keep them entertained
Ignorant and restrained.
’Cause I’m being all that I can be
A paragon of Villainy

We’re being all that we can be
Paragons of Villainy. (x4)
Track Name: The Big Fat Wallet (With the Bulging Dick)
Come on gather round minions
Let me tell you the tale
About the filthy putrid porcine
Who’s payin’ the bills.

He’s coming for you
Come to purchase your soul
Came all the way down
To see the Hedonist Show!

”Ahh, yess…lookin’ hot tonight! Remember to tip your bartenders and waitresses!”

Can’t you smell the green stench and taste the shame?
One obese motherfucker for the bitchin’ dames.
He knows the trade when he turns the tricks
The Big Fat Wallet with the Bulging Dick!

He spent his life on the top pissing on the dregs
Now he’s come down tonight to dump his load in your legs
Worn lust halitosis; don’t it make you sick?
The Big Fat Wallet with the Bulging Dick!

”We got a great selection here this evening. Private encounters starting at only twenty dollars. Just pick out your favorite hunk of flesh for a closer peek…”

He’s the main source of income
For you twinkies and tramps
(He’ll) give you diamonds and pearls
For your face in his pants

Corpulence and opulence
One and the same
Innocence and decadence
Is what he craves.

The Swine ain’t picky
’bout girls or boys
He just needs another orifice
To destroy.

He likes you naked and used
Dancing to the abuse
Go put that wallet to use!
It’s a living.

”Employment opportunities in degradation and humiliation are being offered at the Royal Flush Nightclub, where nobility finds its place in the gutter! This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.”

Track Name: Catching Waifs
Never look on this side, baby
You might uncover some nasty truths
I’m your hometown oddity; remember me?
I’m here to make you dream unclean.

Never linger ‘till the sun sets, baby
You might just find what you’re looking for
You look so fine to a swine like me
Feed me those words and I’ll slip you a bone.

It ain’t easy work to steal your soul
But the beast is unleashed and under control now
You’re already drowning, screaming to be saved
If you don’t believe me, then come have a taste
(Come on, baby) I’m catching waifs.

What did you expect, you precious object?
All the poetry is obsolete
Just reach deep, and deep inside yourself
And you’ll feel what you really want

Never met an incubus before?
Today is your lucky day
You have the honor of becoming my prey
Come on, honey, let’s play!
Track Name: Little Girls
I love little girls they make me feel so good
I love little girls they make me feel so bad
When they're around they make me feel
Like I'm the only guy in town
I love little girls they make me feel so good

They don't care if I'm a one way mirror
They're not frightened by my cold exterior

They don't ask me questions
They don't want to scold me
They don't look for answers
They just want to hold me
Isn't this fun
Isn't this what life's all about
Isn't this a dream come true
Isn't this a nightmare too
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/o/oingo+boingo/little+girls_20102778.html ]
(Repeat first verse)

They don't care about my inclinations
They're not frightened by my revelations

Uh oh take a second take
Uh oh it's a mistake
Uh oh I'm in trouble
Uh oh the little girl was just to little
Too little, too little, too little
Isn't this what life's all about
Isn't this a dream come true
Isn't this a nightmare too...

And I don't care what people say
And I don't care what people think
And I don't care how we look walking down the street

(Repeat Chorus)

(Repeat first verse)
Track Name: Doll
”In breaking news, Morte McAdaver has opened a clinical service to female clients whose intellect falls below the human standard. The procedure is 100% safe and guaranteed to remove any excess traces of humanity! Side effects include increased sex drive and eternal servitude. This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news!”

Every little toy box has gotten old and stale
And I’m not much for 21(+) year old sweets
Everything illicit is too ugly and frail
And I’ve been confined to a handjob for weeks.

In the morning I don’t wanna see your face
You can close your legs up with the night closes in
You’re as dull as expected like the human race
And you just can’t win in a world of dead skin.

Something occurred when I was pounding my head
I never really liked your independence at all
You just wanted to stay and make me happy, you said
I always thought you’d make such a lovely doll.

Your flesh had expired on the day it broke out
Your humanity is something you can do without
You became someone else for me to like you at all
So that time has finally come; I just want a doll.

You won’t have to talk or have an independent thought
You never had an ounce of individuality
You said you were submissive and you’ve finally been caught
This will more than likely be that special remedy.

That malleable face don’t suit your personality
We can fix that up with a static expression
I can make you a different kind of mediocrity
And let you choke with joy in the chains of oppression.

Something occurred when you looked in my eyes
You found a place in my fantasy world
By a collar and corset I will claim the prize
And show you how to be my girl.

Your flesh had expired on the day it broke out
Your humanity is something you can do without
You were meant to serve and born to crawl
Which couldn’t be more fitting, ‘cause I just want a doll.
Won’t it get you so wet to be a marionette?
You know it’s gonna be the greatest treatment you’ll ever get
You were meant to serve and born to crawl
Which couldn’t be more fitting, ‘cause I just want a doll.
Track Name: Jerking Off This Mortal Coil
Society created him
Made him to glare
Made him pliable and bare
And this is what we gave him
To show how much we care
A sideshow televised on the air.

With skin inferior to plastic
Within, he’s sour and elastic
We made him to see everyone
As walking corpses and surgeons

He’s an autopsy fantasy ripe for penetration
Best to cut loose with his versatile self
’cause we all want to see his evisceration;
A collection of old flesh sitting on a shelf…

Erected up to deny the soil
We’re jerking off this mortal coil
Bounce back, let it flow and enjoy the recoil.
Whatever sets the blood to boil

Society created her
We made her to lie
In a bed with friendly machines at her side
and all about being alive

We keep her eyes on the tube screen
And a tube in her bloodstream
If you could only hear her scream…

She’s an autopsy dressed as an icon
She’s a pinup cadaver; a public thrall
A voyeuristic mass needs a scene to pry on
Now a plug in the wall keeps her close to you all

We buy and sell our immortality
But it’s all fair game to the crows, you see.
We’ve been crying and denying our demise from birth
Now we ejaculate together in the face of our own self-worth!

”Tonight on Revenants and Renovations, we will see glamorous homogeneity reach new heights as burn victims, battered children, and leprous patrons are treated to a highly expensive and intensely extensive surgical procedure to render their appearance in accordance with their favorite, prettiest celebrity. R&R proclaims that even the lowest common denominator can defy their lives as they know them in the name of numb happiness and acceptance.

Stay tuned for the news, as we continue our coverage on the latest fad in religious icons: The Intravenous Venus. Adherents to the silent avatar see her as a symbol of ascension through incessant medical care, and a cure for the most prolific disease in our time: death. So long as her comatose body remains alive, their faith and fervor will remain strong. Donations are currently being accepted by the clerical mouthpiece of the Venus. This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.”

Jerking off this mortal coil.
Track Name: The Pendulum Swing
“The organization known as P.E.N.D.U.L.U.M. is now recruiting. Potential members must be female and have a natural aptitude for sowing discord. Take a look at the lives you have destroyed so far; you may already qualify for membership! Proliferation is on the rise, so sign up today! This is Deirdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.”

Come on! Quit playing the saint, now
(You know) a hungry hypodermic's gonna find you veins, anyhow
It won’t do you no good to deny what your are
Just a heroinette giving fellatio fallen stars

You got addicted to the disease to put your mind at ease
Hypochondriac zombie and a hell of a cock tease
You siphon life around you just like a parasite
Got yourself a harem of psychophants and socialites.

Your pheromones keep them dancing wild
Bending to the whims of a malicious child
You got the tear-stained, drama-queen, little brat style
(You’re) gonna breed a new killer with your wicked wiles.

The clock is ticking to the end of the world
This one goes out to the sinister girls
I really can’t blame them for doing their thing
’Cause everybody’s swayin’ to the Pendulum Swing

Speaking of the ladies who will bring about Gehenna
I had the privilege of meeting one pretty pretender
(she) Had ravens’ hair and porcelain mannequin skin
That pristine darkling drew me in.

You see, her beauty divine, it could have been mine
But I found in time, her heart belonged to a swine.
I absconded the dame, but the poison remained
Made me the elegant monster that I am today!

That memory keeps me dancing mad
She was the best piece of Evil I never had
These urges are becoming too hard to restrain

Come on, let’s herald the coming end!
Manipulate! Desecrate! Don’t forget to complicate!
Fuck this world and celebrate!
Track Name: Back Home to the Gallows
Back home to the Gallows
Where my maidens lay sleeping
I feel so unhallowed
In the bed of my sins

Through the maelstrom of pride
My self-centered paradise
Where I am the Hero
With a garden to die for

Stacked like stones
With eyes to the sky
Echoing moans
And wondering why

All have been sampled
Abandoned afar
Crippled and trampled
Like the flowers they are.

“I would do anything just to meet Morte McAdaver. I mean, he’s such a sexy rock star, you know? He seems like such a lonely guy…I’ve heard that he’s had a lot of girls; I bet he’s just never found the right one! He needs someone to be there for him...I wonder if I’m the girl for him…I mean, he can’t be that bad, right?”

What’s the matter, young lady?
This your first night out?
This ain’t a horror movie mayday
And I know what you’re about.
It’s just the fate of every date
That stumbles through my weeds
To seethe and hate and masturbate
And wish you could be free.

I will see you hung up
Strung up
Bound and asphyxiated
Strangled by your heartstrings
But am I not the protagonist you’ve seen in your dreams?
I’ve been waiting just to hear you scream…

”I’m not like all the other girls. I’m into that dark stuff that he likes. I wonder how he is in bed! His music is so sad and gloomy, and he always seems so cold and hateful when he sings; I bet there’s a really nice guy hiding underneath the surface! Maybe he’ll find time for me, and we could become friends…or maybe something more. I hope I’m pretty enough…”

The night you left alone
You found a monster like me
Too striking to condone
But too alluring to flee
It’s just your hips, your eyes, your tits
Are running through my woods
It's something that I never understood
And don’t you wish that you could kiss
And fall into another bleeding heart’s abyss?
Without regret, regard or further ado
It’s off to the Gallows with you!
And don’t you wish that you could stay
Just hang around, languid in windswept sway
Without your pride and all that you held true
It’s off to the Gallows with you!
Track Name: Polluting Phenomenon
Belief has been programmed to put us all to war
Philosophical wisdom has no meaning anymore
Replete with opposing factions, our country writhes
The fence will soon burn, so choose your side.
Struggle through the thorn maze of political torment
Agitate, proliferate, castigate and foment
Vie for control, because Tyranny makes sense
No choice or retreat in this age of lament…

The night’s rising high in the age of hate and stagnation
Our bloodlust compels us to new aberrations
As emperors and rapists, we stand as a nation
Our Legions of the dead marching to devastation
The flag flies high with encompassing might
The heavenly colors of white, right and blight
What do we worship, if not this country of light?
The black cloud of division broods overhead to unite…

Controversy spreads like the odor of the grave
Binding us underneath storm clouds and waves
Matter and motion
Distrust and emotion
Decrepit devotion
The Fear of God
Systemic, invasive
Pernicious, evasive
Euphoric, pervasive
Polluting Phenomenon.

Conductor Disharmony plays us like chess
In a hopeless crusade of fools and duress
Scrying, denying
Perpetual lying
No one to confide in
The Truth is lost
Only opinions
Revised and reprinted
The public indifferent
Polluting Phenomenon.

To rule the world, to play the Lord is to own ten thousand minds and more
When choice is scorned and flayed alive, what else is being human for?
Slaughter, attrition
Disease and addiction
The latest edition
In Genocide
Saviors and Villains
The Just and the Killers
The Kings and the Withered
Polluting Phenomenon
Because faith makes the world go ‘round.
Track Name: The Reaper's Xmas
It is ubiquitous
How did it come to this?
Such unrequited bliss
In the Reaper’s Xmas

It’s time to cease and desist
Throw souls into the furnace
Nuclear Winter’s kiss
In the Reaper’s Xmas

I know what it means
This holiday exchange of broken dreams
Our currency is redeemed
In eyes the color of greed.

I know this world will die
We’ll stumble blindly upon the Scythe
Beneath a mistletoe with bones in a pile
The Reaper awaits our demise with a smile.

Like snowflakes, our suicide shall fall from the sky
With Mammon our patron, make gifts of our lives!
When our spirits are given, a new Xmas can begin
We will feed Death’s addiction…once again.

It’s Xmas time in the battlefield tonight
Such fiery mischief and fiendish delight
Praise and reverence for a century of spite
We’ll give ‘till we grieve; sing for the Reaper tonight!