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Evil and Other Pastimes

by Pandora's Toybox

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1.
’Twas on a stark, stormy eve When the moon itself came to grieve And the living dead swagger and sway. When scavengers gather to feast From a dustbowl of the deceased Most choke on the bones of yesterday. Stumbling about like a tumbleweed His doleful silhouette could be seen He walked, a drunkard amongst the dead Hating the world he surveyed. It was then that a ghost whispered close to his ear Just the melody that he’d longed to hear So beautiful the song, he was led astray And he followed her voice as she drifted far away… He awoke in the dark, in a theme park, still kept alive by the dead The spectral lady faded away, but still sang clear in his head She brought him to a new sanctuary in the shadows Where the light itself fears to tread. And so, he settled in To a life of sin And a debauched way to thrive Amongst the wicked motley lot that flocked as he arrived, It was on that very night that Morte McAdaver finally came alive…
2.
Welcome to the world we see Of social vapidity Of spiritual vomit Psychological atrophy Won’t you join us for a cup of tea? You see, we’ve reached a new level You could call us privileged elite Society’s floating on the waters we bleed So wear a new tongue and taste bitter as sweet ’Cause we’re about to find out just how fun the human race can be. I never thought that things could be this way But I had forgotten how evil entertains. This is how we watch the world pass away Let’s all celebrate in despair. Pay obeisance and surrender your will And you will know eternal bliss. I suppose we are humanists; Decay needs a hand or two What can we contribute? What can we do? We could hate our leaders, Kill the unbelievers, And gorge upon the spoils of war. Let’s make little dollies Out of unborn children And sell them to the protesters At discount price 'cause we know we all need A good reason to bleed And to dance in the ruins of life. I never thought that things could be this way But I had forgotten how Evil entertains... This is how we herald the coming end We are the chosen of the future times Lower your voices and deny your fellow damned And you will know eternal bliss ”It has been confirmed that the terrorist attack has left the city in a panic. In a related topic, policy-holders and stock brokers have reaped an impressive profit from the shattered lives of thousands. Revolutionary computer technology has done it again as the new developments in electronic ignorance are being disseminated and sold throughout the metropolitan empire. Economic rejuvenation continues as the latest generation of youth is reared into an early lifestyle of hard labor and misery. Commendations to our exalted officials for reviving the antiquated policy of slavery. Arsenal tests upon defenseless settlements of human beings have seen great success. And concepts such as agriculture and civilians have been labeled ‘inconsequential.’ Visionary urban planners are calling for aid in the ‘Dystopia Project.’ Please submit all volatile, toxic, and contaminated waste products to your local depository for collection. This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.” I take it you don’t comprehend The world you’re claiming to defend You can no longer pretend To make a stand You’d be less fucked over, if you just rolled over, Took it all and enjoyed the ride. Our heads are in the guillotine Facing towards the T.V. screen Look at all the famished And those silly underprivileged From here we can see declining humanity; who could have known how much fun this would be? Whoever thought it made a difference anyway? Don’t you know that we’re simply here to play? This is how we eviscerate your dreams You weren’t using 'em, anyway Lower your voices and deny your fellow damned And you will know eternal bliss.
3.
Is it really such a fucking crime… To revel in a darker side? Rock and roll has taken its toll. I left my body on stage, now they’re in control. Put my future in a record, trapped my soul in a song I was torn to ribbons when they fed me to the throng. I made all the right decisions, all the right mistakes This melody of insanity has guided me along the way And I just can’t believe how many things I threw away Maybe one day I’ll return to grace you with my glory… my hatred… and show you… just who I really am But FUCK IT ’Cause I got another record to make I got another pill to take I got another whore to see Pussy getting wet for me ’Cause I’m being all that I can be A Paragon of Villainy. Is it really so wrong to tell them lies… When the truth never sells on Prime Time Live? Rock and roll has taken my soul I surrendered my body to a media console Emotion is irrelevant to me With a swarm of wires hooked right through me. Made my decision to report the woes of the land Enticed by automaton paradise, I finally understand And I just can’t believe how easy this could be Maybe one day I’ll return to wear my flesh again… To feel the pain… and show you… What I have become It’s futile. ’Cause I know the End Times are near And everyone lives in fear Gotta keep them entertained Ignorant and restrained. ’Cause I’m being all that I can be A paragon of Villainy We’re being all that we can be Paragons of Villainy. (x4)
4.
5.
Come on gather round minions Let me tell you the tale About the filthy putrid porcine Who’s payin’ the bills. He’s coming for you Come to purchase your soul Came all the way down To see the Hedonist Show! ”Ahh, yess…lookin’ hot tonight! Remember to tip your bartenders and waitresses!” (Chorus) Can’t you smell the green stench and taste the shame? One obese motherfucker for the bitchin’ dames. He knows the trade when he turns the tricks The Big Fat Wallet with the Bulging Dick! He spent his life on the top pissing on the dregs Now he’s come down tonight to dump his load in your legs Worn lust halitosis; don’t it make you sick? The Big Fat Wallet with the Bulging Dick! ”We got a great selection here this evening. Private encounters starting at only twenty dollars. Just pick out your favorite hunk of flesh for a closer peek…” He’s the main source of income For you twinkies and tramps (He’ll) give you diamonds and pearls For your face in his pants Corpulence and opulence One and the same Innocence and decadence Is what he craves. The Swine ain’t picky ’bout girls or boys He just needs another orifice To destroy. He likes you naked and used Dancing to the abuse Go put that wallet to use! It’s a living. ”Employment opportunities in degradation and humiliation are being offered at the Royal Flush Nightclub, where nobility finds its place in the gutter! This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.” Dick.
6.
Never look on this side, baby You might uncover some nasty truths I’m your hometown oddity; remember me? I’m here to make you dream unclean. Never linger ‘till the sun sets, baby You might just find what you’re looking for You look so fine to a swine like me Feed me those words and I’ll slip you a bone. It ain’t easy work to steal your soul But the beast is unleashed and under control now You’re already drowning, screaming to be saved If you don’t believe me, then come have a taste (Come on, baby) I’m catching waifs. What did you expect, you precious object? All the poetry is obsolete Just reach deep, and deep inside yourself And you’ll feel what you really want Never met an incubus before? Today is your lucky day You have the honor of becoming my prey Come on, honey, let’s play!
7.
Little Girls 03:35
I love little girls they make me feel so good I love little girls they make me feel so bad When they're around they make me feel Like I'm the only guy in town I love little girls they make me feel so good They don't care if I'm a one way mirror They're not frightened by my cold exterior They don't ask me questions They don't want to scold me They don't look for answers They just want to hold me Isn't this fun Isn't this what life's all about Isn't this a dream come true Isn't this a nightmare too [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/o/oingo+boingo/little+girls_20102778.html ] (Repeat first verse) They don't care about my inclinations They're not frightened by my revelations Uh oh take a second take Uh oh it's a mistake Uh oh I'm in trouble Uh oh the little girl was just to little Too little, too little, too little Isn't this what life's all about Isn't this a dream come true Isn't this a nightmare too... And I don't care what people say And I don't care what people think And I don't care how we look walking down the street (Repeat Chorus) (Repeat first verse)
8.
Doll 03:41
”In breaking news, Morte McAdaver has opened a clinical service to female clients whose intellect falls below the human standard. The procedure is 100% safe and guaranteed to remove any excess traces of humanity! Side effects include increased sex drive and eternal servitude. This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news!” Every little toy box has gotten old and stale And I’m not much for 21(+) year old sweets Everything illicit is too ugly and frail And I’ve been confined to a handjob for weeks. In the morning I don’t wanna see your face You can close your legs up with the night closes in You’re as dull as expected like the human race And you just can’t win in a world of dead skin. Something occurred when I was pounding my head I never really liked your independence at all You just wanted to stay and make me happy, you said I always thought you’d make such a lovely doll. Your flesh had expired on the day it broke out Your humanity is something you can do without You became someone else for me to like you at all So that time has finally come; I just want a doll. You won’t have to talk or have an independent thought You never had an ounce of individuality You said you were submissive and you’ve finally been caught This will more than likely be that special remedy. That malleable face don’t suit your personality We can fix that up with a static expression I can make you a different kind of mediocrity And let you choke with joy in the chains of oppression. Something occurred when you looked in my eyes You found a place in my fantasy world By a collar and corset I will claim the prize And show you how to be my girl. Your flesh had expired on the day it broke out Your humanity is something you can do without You were meant to serve and born to crawl Which couldn’t be more fitting, ‘cause I just want a doll. Won’t it get you so wet to be a marionette? You know it’s gonna be the greatest treatment you’ll ever get You were meant to serve and born to crawl Which couldn’t be more fitting, ‘cause I just want a doll.
9.
Society created him Made him to glare Made him pliable and bare And this is what we gave him To show how much we care A sideshow televised on the air. With skin inferior to plastic Within, he’s sour and elastic We made him to see everyone As walking corpses and surgeons He’s an autopsy fantasy ripe for penetration Best to cut loose with his versatile self ’cause we all want to see his evisceration; A collection of old flesh sitting on a shelf… Erected up to deny the soil We’re jerking off this mortal coil Bounce back, let it flow and enjoy the recoil. Whatever sets the blood to boil Society created her We made her to lie In a bed with friendly machines at her side and all about being alive We keep her eyes on the tube screen And a tube in her bloodstream If you could only hear her scream… She’s an autopsy dressed as an icon She’s a pinup cadaver; a public thrall A voyeuristic mass needs a scene to pry on Now a plug in the wall keeps her close to you all We buy and sell our immortality But it’s all fair game to the crows, you see. We’ve been crying and denying our demise from birth Now we ejaculate together in the face of our own self-worth! ”Tonight on Revenants and Renovations, we will see glamorous homogeneity reach new heights as burn victims, battered children, and leprous patrons are treated to a highly expensive and intensely extensive surgical procedure to render their appearance in accordance with their favorite, prettiest celebrity. R&R proclaims that even the lowest common denominator can defy their lives as they know them in the name of numb happiness and acceptance. Stay tuned for the news, as we continue our coverage on the latest fad in religious icons: The Intravenous Venus. Adherents to the silent avatar see her as a symbol of ascension through incessant medical care, and a cure for the most prolific disease in our time: death. So long as her comatose body remains alive, their faith and fervor will remain strong. Donations are currently being accepted by the clerical mouthpiece of the Venus. This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.” Jerking off this mortal coil.
10.
“The organization known as P.E.N.D.U.L.U.M. is now recruiting. Potential members must be female and have a natural aptitude for sowing discord. Take a look at the lives you have destroyed so far; you may already qualify for membership! Proliferation is on the rise, so sign up today! This is Deirdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.” Come on! Quit playing the saint, now (You know) a hungry hypodermic's gonna find you veins, anyhow It won’t do you no good to deny what your are Just a heroinette giving fellatio fallen stars You got addicted to the disease to put your mind at ease Hypochondriac zombie and a hell of a cock tease You siphon life around you just like a parasite Got yourself a harem of psychophants and socialites. Your pheromones keep them dancing wild Bending to the whims of a malicious child You got the tear-stained, drama-queen, little brat style (You’re) gonna breed a new killer with your wicked wiles. The clock is ticking to the end of the world This one goes out to the sinister girls I really can’t blame them for doing their thing ’Cause everybody’s swayin’ to the Pendulum Swing Speaking of the ladies who will bring about Gehenna I had the privilege of meeting one pretty pretender (she) Had ravens’ hair and porcelain mannequin skin That pristine darkling drew me in. You see, her beauty divine, it could have been mine But I found in time, her heart belonged to a swine. I absconded the dame, but the poison remained Made me the elegant monster that I am today! That memory keeps me dancing mad She was the best piece of Evil I never had These urges are becoming too hard to restrain AND THE PENDULUM IS CALLING MY NAME! P-E-N-D-U-L-U-M! Come on, let’s herald the coming end! Manipulate! Desecrate! Don’t forget to complicate! Fuck this world and celebrate! Yeah!
11.
Back home to the Gallows Where my maidens lay sleeping I feel so unhallowed In the bed of my sins Through the maelstrom of pride My self-centered paradise Where I am the Hero With a garden to die for Stacked like stones With eyes to the sky Echoing moans And wondering why All have been sampled Abandoned afar Crippled and trampled Like the flowers they are. “I would do anything just to meet Morte McAdaver. I mean, he’s such a sexy rock star, you know? He seems like such a lonely guy…I’ve heard that he’s had a lot of girls; I bet he’s just never found the right one! He needs someone to be there for him...I wonder if I’m the girl for him…I mean, he can’t be that bad, right?” What’s the matter, young lady? This your first night out? This ain’t a horror movie mayday And I know what you’re about. It’s just the fate of every date That stumbles through my weeds To seethe and hate and masturbate And wish you could be free. I will see you hung up Strung up Bound and asphyxiated Strangled by your heartstrings But am I not the protagonist you’ve seen in your dreams? I’ve been waiting just to hear you scream… ”I’m not like all the other girls. I’m into that dark stuff that he likes. I wonder how he is in bed! His music is so sad and gloomy, and he always seems so cold and hateful when he sings; I bet there’s a really nice guy hiding underneath the surface! Maybe he’ll find time for me, and we could become friends…or maybe something more. I hope I’m pretty enough…” The night you left alone You found a monster like me Too striking to condone But too alluring to flee It’s just your hips, your eyes, your tits Are running through my woods It's something that I never understood And don’t you wish that you could kiss And fall into another bleeding heart’s abyss? Without regret, regard or further ado It’s off to the Gallows with you! And don’t you wish that you could stay Just hang around, languid in windswept sway Without your pride and all that you held true It’s off to the Gallows with you!
12.
Belief has been programmed to put us all to war Philosophical wisdom has no meaning anymore Replete with opposing factions, our country writhes The fence will soon burn, so choose your side. Struggle through the thorn maze of political torment Agitate, proliferate, castigate and foment Vie for control, because Tyranny makes sense No choice or retreat in this age of lament… The night’s rising high in the age of hate and stagnation Our bloodlust compels us to new aberrations As emperors and rapists, we stand as a nation Our Legions of the dead marching to devastation The flag flies high with encompassing might The heavenly colors of white, right and blight What do we worship, if not this country of light? The black cloud of division broods overhead to unite… Controversy spreads like the odor of the grave Binding us underneath storm clouds and waves Matter and motion Distrust and emotion Decrepit devotion The Fear of God Systemic, invasive Pernicious, evasive Euphoric, pervasive Polluting Phenomenon. Conductor Disharmony plays us like chess In a hopeless crusade of fools and duress Scrying, denying Perpetual lying No one to confide in The Truth is lost Only opinions Revised and reprinted The public indifferent Polluting Phenomenon. To rule the world, to play the Lord is to own ten thousand minds and more When choice is scorned and flayed alive, what else is being human for? Slaughter, attrition Disease and addiction The latest edition In Genocide Saviors and Villains The Just and the Killers The Kings and the Withered Polluting Phenomenon Because faith makes the world go ‘round.
13.
It is ubiquitous How did it come to this? Such unrequited bliss In the Reaper’s Xmas It’s time to cease and desist Throw souls into the furnace Nuclear Winter’s kiss In the Reaper’s Xmas I know what it means This holiday exchange of broken dreams Our currency is redeemed In eyes the color of greed. I know this world will die We’ll stumble blindly upon the Scythe Beneath a mistletoe with bones in a pile The Reaper awaits our demise with a smile. Like snowflakes, our suicide shall fall from the sky With Mammon our patron, make gifts of our lives! When our spirits are given, a new Xmas can begin We will feed Death’s addiction…once again. It’s Xmas time in the battlefield tonight Such fiery mischief and fiendish delight Praise and reverence for a century of spite We’ll give ‘till we grieve; sing for the Reaper tonight!

about

The first full length release by band founder and musical whiz Joshua Carrig, this tale of ridiculous, cynical circus rock tells the story of Pandora's Toybox, a theme park owned and operated by the dead. The park's house band, The Grim Pills, regale numerous tales of death, masturbation, and other silly subjects in songs such as The Big Fat Wallet (with the Bulging Dick), Jerking Off This Mortal Coil, and Back Home to the Gallows, as well as reimagining Oingo Boingo's classic Little Girls in their own image.

credits

released September 11, 2008

All songs written solely by Joshua Carrig, except for tracks 1, 2, and 12, which were co-written by Joshua Carrig and Amanda Rose Smith; track 7 was written by Danny Elfman and originally performed by Oingo Boingo

Produced by Benjamin Jon and recorded at Stillwork Studios in Holyoke, Massachusetts

Lead male vocals - Morte McAdaver (Joshua Carrig)

Lead female vocals - Dierdre Stroyer (Dominic Collins)

Backing vocals - Morgue Anne and Doll (Bonnie Miller)

Vocals on A New Sanctuary in the Shadows - Walt Tollefson and Amanda Rose Smith

Guest vocals on Catching Waifs - Randall Hentz

Keyboard - Joshua Carrig

Guitars - Joshua Carrig and Benjamin Jon

Guitar solo on The Reaper's Xmas - David Hawkins

Drums and percussion - Wes Borque

Cheerleaders on The Pendulum Swing - Jessica Pysz, Michelle Mauer, Carole Hollick, and Andrea "Marley" Penta

For additional credits, see album booklet.

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Pandora's Toybox Northampton, Massachusetts

We're a zany, Cynical Circus crew from the shadowy carnival theme park known as Pandora's Toybox. We're here to expose the world for the bleak circus that it truly is.

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